It’s been around 8 years since I’ve been diagnosed with a certain ailment. I’ve asked the Lord why I was taking medicines when healing can be found at the mention of His name. I’ve pleaded. I’ve even begged at some point– and that’s very unlikely of me. I just wanted to be well.

Every time I face hardships, I make it a point to hear from God. Because maybe– just maybe, He’ll make it make sense.

“Carry your cross.” There it was. His voice. His Words. Straight from Scripture. “Take up your cross and follow Me.”

I’ve learned for this command to be in parallel with how Jesus handled His cross. He willingly endured hardship and sacrifice in surrender to God’s ultimate will.

To me, it seemed like God has a purpose as to why He won’t take the sickness away. It seemed to me like He has an ultimate redemptive plan not just for my sake, but for those I’m called to minister to.

I write to you now in the confines of my own home. I’ve been going to the doctor regularly since being diagnosed. I don’t know how it has been possible for me to be okay– to have resolved all emotional disruption in my relationship with God. I don’t know how I was able to cope and be okay– be functional.

But, one thing’s for sure, I got better by holding on to God tighter. You see, in this world, you’ll go through trials either way. Might as well go through them with God.

Carrying my cross has not been easy. I, sometimes, scare myself because of how unwell I am. But, God gives grace and God is good. I have hope that all will be well soon.