I do not write to you as if I’ve never resented God. In fact, there was a deep resentment I’ve nurtured for a good two years or so. I write to you, as someone who has gone ahead. Looking back, I wish I knew then what I know now– you don’t have to nurture resentment towards the God Who loves you the most.
I was sitting at the hospital, waiting for my doctor’s appointment, when I saw an angry girl. No, she was not obviously angry. Her anger was not evident, yet it showed in the way her face curled into a frown and her eyebrows almost met each other at a point. I knew she was carrying something deep. I knew she was angry. I remember what it was like being angry at God for the very reason she was sitting on that hospital bench with me. All matters of the heart matter, nevertheless.
Being sick is no walk in the park. As a Christian, being sick makes you question everything. “If God loves me, why do I have to go through these challenges?” “If God is good, why does He allow bad things to happen to me?” I’ve also had my fair share of questions. I asked God a lot, even doubted Him. Needless to say, these were not my proudest moments as a Christian. But, they did happen– along with any feeling of resentment I’ve nurtured.
It was only until my eyes were opened to the truth of God that the battle in my mind got won. He’s still a good, gracious God. And He wasn’t gonna give me up without a fight. He fought for me and won. I stand before you today, having overcome my resentment against God and here’s how:
1. Discover purpose in your trials
All things work together for the good of those who love God– for those who are called according to His purpose. Even the trials you undergo have purpose. May it be mainly to purify you– to crucify your flesh– and make you look more like Christ and/or to prepare you for your next season, there is always a purpose. For a life surrendered to the Lord is never without purpose. It is never in vain.
James 1:2-4 (ESV)
“2 Count it all joy, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
Most of the time, God will not immediately reveal why you’re going through the trial/s in order to not defeat the purpose of the trial by preempting. But, rest assured, when He actually leads you through it, you’ll come out of it a different person– closer towards the embodiment of His image.
2. Perceive correctly
We sometimes account our trials to God, without realizing that some of our trials are self-induced or caused by our adversary. God’s will for your life is good, pleasing and perfect. He adds no sorrow to every gift He gives. God doesn’t want for you to get sick, get divorced, lose a loved one or etcetera. That’s just plain human error or frailty.
Some battles are meant by God for us to walk into and He has given us the victory. Sometimes, we forget the authority that He has appointed to us– that every battle must be spiritually fought first. We must fight in prayer.
Exodus 14:15 (ESV)
“The Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward”
Romans 8:37 (ESV)
“.. in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
3. Solidify your anchor
A part of perceiving correctly is testing where or to whom you’ve actually anchored your faith into.
Matthew 7:24-27 (ESV)
24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been found on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
Looking back, I wish I didn’t experience resentment against God. I wish I held on a little bit tighter in faith. I wish I had believed Him when He said this or that.
Nevertheless, my failures prove that God is the perfector of my faith. And that this journey of faith is only by His grace– only by His hand. I can only participate up to an extent.
God is good. And He remains to be good. We now have the decision to make– to work with Him in faith or to do otherwise. I hope we choose the prior.