Doctors’ diagnoses and the will to live. I sometimes question why I have to live life sick. Complications brought about the tiniest wrong thing in my body. I see people questioning God. “Lord, why did this have to happen to my sister?” “Lord, why does my friend have to suffer? She’s the godliest person I know.” I asked God the same thing. I even blamed my bloodline for the wrong that is in me. But, the Lord is a good God and He is even greater to answer the questions I had and still my soul.

John 11:4 (NIV)
4 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”

I have spent months with people who have the same conditions as me. I have lived in their shoes. I have known them. And I have felt God’s heart amidst every cry I’ve heard. Amidst every thoughtful exchange. Amidst every laughter. God is still good. And He cares a whole lot.

Is my sickness God’s will? Of course not. It’s part of the humanly sinful nature. But because God is God, He can turn things around for good.

Yes, they’re still a constant battle of faith and trust that God will take care of us. But then again, every struggle is an opportunity for God to show Himself faithful. And He has been and will always be.

I love the Lord and the Lord loves me. May He continue to use everything of me– even every flaw, every sickness to point all things, all kinds of people back to Him.

The Lord loves you. He is not against you. And He will always be for you (Jeremiah 29:11)