if, for some miraculous reason, you asked me to write you a goodbye letter,
this is what i will say

i will not nag you on the things you screwed up on
instead, i will try to express my utmost love for you

because, i do love you

i thank you for the memories
for every happy chat
for every long convo
for every insta interaction
they were all so meaningful to me
you were a one in a million friend
i was happy with you
and to be honest
i never thought i would feel that happiness ever again

time stopped everytime we’re together
either virtually or onsite
you made every second worthwhile
even the anxiety posing as butterflies were wanted
even the overthinking was suddenly welcomed
even the deepest sadness was suddenly light
because you made it all worth it

but needs had to come first before the wants
and i needed to be okay first
i needed my peace to function
and we were on a cycle that became too dysfunctional
for me, it became too toxic
you were worth it, but it didn’t mean you’re all that good
at least not for me

you were a luxury i cannot afford
you’ve got me biting more than i could chew
and something always had to give
i cannot totally win with you

and even the Higher Power had to intervene
for we weren’t really right for each other
and i had to perceive that through the hard way

at times when i miss you, i can’t help but cry
i cry way too often now
how many times do i have to give you up?
how many times before my goodbye becomes a reality?
even now that we’re apart
i still have to be ripped completely apart
for you took a piece of me with you

i still cry like in those heartbreak scenes from the movies
i still am hopeless on your every insta story

now, you became my unnamed subject on every post
you became my favorite poetry
obsessed and borderline delusional
you’re the one i think of, screening thru those tiktoks
the one i anticipate, but can never really reach
right now, you’re really beyond my reach

all i wanted was to be your friend
but, i guess that’s an impossibility
being just friends is an impossibility with us
because i can never really just settle with a platonic love

yes, it is partly my fault
i cannot blame you for how i feel
i cannot blame you for something beyond your control
but i am thankful for the years

thank you for staying all those years
thank you for caring
i will always remember you
and i will always love you

i will always have something to say when it comes to you
because you’re my favorite subject
but if i have to say goodbye again and again until i mean it, i would
for you may be a favorite
but that doesn’t mean you’re for my good.