I don’t want to leave you behind
Hear my heart out

Days, months, years went by
Laughters shared, bonds made
Sarcastic banters and dark humor
I saw myself in you

You were an unexpected joy
You hear my cry
You were there
You cared

But was I really just a friend to you?
I hear your replies
Memorize the tone of your voice
I get all giddy every time with that red notif

So, was I making it all up in my head?
There was something in the way that you cared
Like you would stay forever
Instead, can you stay forever?

It’s like you’re a part of me
It feels like you made a home in my heart
And yeah I know, for you it’s all madrama
But I like annoying you that way

I like not being everything you wished for in a “friend”
That maybe, one day, you’ll appreciate the things you hate about me
That maybe, one day, we’d both be happy settling
As long as we’re together

Instead, can we be together?
I hate seeing you like this
A part of me deems that this separation ails you
Maybe not in the way that it ails me
But not anything short of real, nonetheless

But there is relief from actually meaning goodbye
Beneath the laughter shared was crippling anxiety, anticipating your next chat
Beneath bonds formed were absorbed dysfunction and overthinking
Sarcastic banters and dark humor masking our own toxicity

Amidst it all, I still want you
Not quoting Noah, but I want all of you
Because you feel like home
Yes, you’re like a dream come true

I don’t know what to say now
It’s not in me to hold any grudge
It’s not in me to blame God for what He did and did not allow
It’s not in me to put myself through that cyclical struggle again
It’s not in me to embrace the pain once more
It’s not in me to see myself shattered time and time again
It’s not in me to continually cry over the frustration that is us

So, please, be my guest
You want to take her out?
You want to play around?
You choose her over me?
Be my guest
It’s not in me to be condescending
But I do admit that it angers me

It does anger me that you choose to play and not stay
When I feel so real and genuine for you
Treating us as sure thing to the point of fooling myself
And you just toyed around

Who am I to demand anything, right?
Who am I to demand beyond agreement?
I guess that is my fault
Help me to not get mad
It is not in me to point fingers beyond

And it’s not in me to put pressure in you to change
Because I don’t want to impose that kind of value of myself to you
Because I want you to perceive it inherently
But first and foremost, I don’t want you to do it for me

Please, if you ever decide to change your ways, do it for Him
Secondly, do it for yourself
I want you to live this life first beyond me
Find your own person- in the right way
I want you to live correctly and purely
Knowing far too well that the love that this world offers is a counterfeit

I pray that you feel His love
And I pray that you’d be found by Him
Secured and stable, not lacking any good thing

This is my gift to you
That despite our separation, I’ll still pray for you
This is all I can give for now
Know that I will always be looking out for you
Because you were a friend
Because you felt like home
And at one point, you were a person I did not think I could lose

Maybe this is the point
Making you a prayer point
Because if I can’t have you
I’m praying to God at least He can

‘Til our next chat, my friend
I will always be looking out for you
I will always be looking out for u-us