Dating is not new to me. Ever since I grew to be heavier than normal, I’ve been in several situationships and a handful of dates. Yet, every time, my weight comes up. And no, I don’t date faulty men– at least not hardcore body shamers. I’ve actually come across people who like me for me and not just the superficial. However, my weight had become an excuse for me to not enjoy a functional relationship. Call it insecurity and misconstrued foreshadowing, but I’ve always questioned the love that was given to me. I get compliments regarding my figure and I call them crazy. Yet, even with these, such situationships ran their natural course. But, I do wish that someone told me the following before entering them. So, as a fat girl in the dating scene, here are things I want you to know:
Dear fat girl, you have to learn to love yourself first before letting someone else love you. And you can only do that if you are aware of how God loves you– unconditionally, perfectly. Get secured first in His love, accept that love, so you can learn to love yourself. Respect God enough, place Him as sovereign, revere Him. Then, let your fear of God be your standpoint on how to view yourself. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. View yourself as God views you.
Dear fat girl, learn how to distinguish between real offenses and insecurities. Some jokes might hurt because there are wounds attached to them. Jokes are half meant, but understand that someone who truly loves will stay amidst your imperfections– especially if it’s love that is not superficial– if it’s love that is real.
Dear fat girl, unicorns exist. What I mean is: anything is possible. The world imposes upon us that we have to look like a specific figure– that beauty is standardized. Yet, what most actually forget is that the human race is highly diverse. People have different preferences. And unicorns exist. Some people actually value other things more than just the physical.
Dear fat girl, all the things I’ve mentioned are not an excuse to not better yourself daily. But, they do serve as an eye opener. Better yourself everyday because you want to honor God and because you want to love yourself and others better. But, these should not deter you from the truth that your worth does not waiver just because you’re not perfect. You cannot please everyone. You can only love them progressively.
Dear fat girl, walk securely. Walk confidently in your identity in Christ. And learn how and when to shake the dust off your feet. If a relationship is making you question your worth, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate if you should stay. God’s love mirrored will not destabilize how you view yourself.
In my years being overweight, I’ve been graced with relationships from which I learned a lot from. I’ve only let a few people in my life over the years, but they were great people. They showed me the gold that was within me, in spite of the imperfections that were on the outside. Even boundaries crossed pushed me to choose God and myself over and over again. And for that I’ll be forever grateful.
Dear fat girl, the one God has for you will make you love yourself more. The one God has for you will push you to be better. And the one God has for you will stay in spite of the ‘buts’.