“I’m 25 years old. I should be counting my checks by now. I should have had a successful career by now. These things must have taken place by now.”

I uttered these lines midway my conversational rant before a big God. I cried my way into being okay. But, it had to get ugly first.

“God, You promised me green pasture. Why does it feel like it’s the complete opposite?”

Bills from left to right and a young business owner still learning. I cry my eyes out as I unload all these burdens to God– trying to be so smart, so put up all the time can be so heavy.

I struggle to hear the Word. I have faith, but I had to cry myself towards surrender still.

God’s voice still ringing a bell:

Proverbs 8:10 ESV

“Take my instruction instead of silver, and knowledge rather than choice gold,”

1 Samuel 15:22 ESV

“And Samuel said,“Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.”

Obedience is better than sacrifice. And what God had spoken always has a point. Self, it has a point.

God knows everything. And God works all things together for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

I sit now amazed at how this God could turn my anxiety into calmness, my rants into praise. 

I sit here and wonder what’s next through Him, the big God whom I serve.